Resume Regular Programing

I collect a lot of resumes. But I collect even more surprising anecdotes.

In the process of applying for a job under my sub-par management, the entire state of New York has come up with some pretty quirky behaviors.

So many in fact, that I was able to compile this list.

Let’s start off slow.

This list is advice only for people who are applying for work within the service field. Corporate remains a mystery to me, I simply do not know her.

1. You may have other dreams and relevant experience that you want to include on your resume and tbh, that’s fine.

But please have a resume without your head shot on it.

Asking for a photograph with a resume, the last time I checked, was either illegal or strongly frowned upon in the state of NY.

If a restaurant or shop manager asks for you to include a pic, then maybe you need a gentle aunt type figure in your life to remind you what a red flag looks like and that this may not be an environment where you will be able to thrive and feel respected.

2. This is another really simple one. Please don’t bring me multiple copies, or leave one copy each day over the course of a period of time.

They don’t go in the bin. It’s part of NY law that all resumes must be accepted, considered and then kept for a period of time.

So like, we have it. Please stop doing this.

I mean, copies 2-12 will go in the bin. We’ll keep the first one.

3. That said, anything and everything that isn’t a resume DOES go in the bin.

Now we’re getting into the good stuff.

I take what seems like a million and a half resumes a week. I hire for a fun position in a well run environment.

But there are two very distinct groups who don’t give resumes. They give other.

Frequently, applicants over a certain age will think they are above a resume and give a business card. No.

And often kids who don’t know better will write their number (no name) down on a napkin. I stop them all, give them MY business card because I’M the person in charge of if they are hired or not, and tell them they need to email me a resume in order to be considered for the position.

They usually never do.

Your resume is not only about your job experience. A lot of people don’t understand that I have a stupid little system. And that system relies on full sheet resumes.

I take resumes in person or via email. I have 1 copy of each and I keep them in a stupid little order.

First it’s the order they are received and then I make phone calls and put them in the order I would hire them in.

It’s constantly rotating through the year.

Join the system. Or leave. Don’t invalidate it. If you work for us, what other of my stupid little systems are you going to just full out refuse.

No thank you. Bottom of the hypothetical pile.

4. Finally. There are only two ways to appropriately deliver your resume. In person or via email.

Your parents might not believe that the email one works but it does. I promise.

But under no circumstances, should you ever find the shop on Instagram or linked-fucking-in and ask ‘y’all hiring?’.

I get about ten of these a week.

There are only two ways to apply.

In person. Or email.

You can’t Snap me. We’re not doing streaks.

Even calling on the phone is sort of useless. A decent way to check in but not a fully fleshed out application on its own.

Okay that’s the end of the list. Happy hunting.

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